Traveling home from a basketball tournament we listened for the first time to the new Steven Curtis Chapman cd. Wow. He says in these songs what we have felt over these 11 1/2 years since Abby died. The questions are honest and the hope is real. The tears still come. Sometimes we just realize how big the hole in our hearts & family still is. It also reminds us again how much bigger He is – choosing to cling to His promises is something we have to do over & over again.

One year ago to this exact weekend we were in the place where we thought we would be moving after Rob was laid off. This time we were there to play basketball (and Nate’s team was 3-0 for the tournament!), but last year it was full of uncertainty for our future. We were begging Him to give us clarity and remind us that we were going to be alright. In one year’s time we have seen God’s faithfulness to us in ways that are truly “above all we could ask or think.” He continues to hold us, and His grace is so amazing.

I have been in a Fall-cooking mood lately.  I am using my crockpot again for soups, chili, roasts, even dessert!  I bought a smaller one so that if I wanted to make the main dish in the biggie I could make dessert in it.  I have done it once, and it turned out awesome!  I found a  recipe for Brownie Bottoms (not exactly the most appetizing name) that I have made 2 or 3 times now.  It is gooey and so good!

I am also hooked on making caramel.  The kids and I wanted to dip apples a couple of weeks ago.  With some of the leftover caramel, I made individual candies like Ina Garten has done on Barefoot Contessa. They are salty/sweet and it’s hard to eat just one or two!  I feel like Goldie Locks:  my first batch was too soft, second batch was too hard, and I have one cooling that I hope comes out just right.  These are so good!

I love cooking comfort food in the fall & winter!

We recently had a great family vacation.  Like the homeschoolers we are, we waited until after Labor Day to take our trip!   We first went to Nashville to see “Wicked.”  It was the second time for Rob and me, but the kids hadn’t seen it.  They loved it, and it was just as good to us, too.  It’s now a family favorite!

We then went to Gulf Shores and spent the week on the beach.  It was so nice to eat, sleep, go to the beach and repeat for several days!  We even met another homeschooling family from Mississippi and the kids had fun playing together.

On the way home, we took the kids to see the USS Alabama.  What an amazing ship!  It really made me think of my grandpa as a WW II vet and the sacrifice they made for our country.

I love my family and spending time with them.

My Grandpa Canada passed away early Friday morning. We will miss him, but we are grateful for the long life God granted him.

The primary memory for me of my grandpa will always be of him working in his garden. It covered his entire backyard and over the years produced the best tomatoes, purple-hull peas, squash, and many other things. He liked to try different things some years like peanuts, watermelons, and beautiful sunflowers with heads as big as plates.

Grandpa belonged to what has been referred to as “the greatest generation.” He suffered through the Great Depression, fought in World War II (Battle of the Bulge & Normandy campaign), and worked hard to provide for my dad and his two brothers. I am grateful that in recent days my children have been able to hear Grandpa’s memories of his life. The pictures of my kids in the garden with him were taken just a few weeks ago.

Grandpa leaves a legacy of three sons who are men of great character and integrity. He was not a perfect man, but he knew the only perfect man that ever lived. I know I will see him again.

On September 2 we will celebrate Betsy’s 7th birthday. When we lost our sweet Abby 11 years ago, our hearts longed to hold another daughter someday. God was kind to give us Betsy and she is the light of our home. Her brothers protect her and she is our sweet girl.

We love watching Jane Austen and Anne of Green Gables together – one of our dreams is to take a girls’ trip to Prince Edward Island someday. She is all girl and is so funny and creative. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of Betsy.

Yesterday we celebrated Nate’s 14th birthday. Last year Robbie was still in the hospital when he turned 13. It was hard for him that Dad wasn’t here, so he suggested that just the kids & I go bowling. He was such a good sport, but it was hard without Rob.

This year when we asked Nate what he’d like to do for his 14th, he asked Robbie to take the day off. He said he wanted to go bowling again since this year Dad is doing great and can go with us. So that’s what we did and it was so much fun! He’s a sweet guy and such a blessing to us. Happy 14th, Nate!

At 6:00 a.m. one year ago, the telephone rang waking me from deep sleep.  For many years now I have been used to the drill:  Rob wakes up at 5:30 or earlier, gets dressed to run or ride his bike and leaves the house.  I sleep soundly through it all.  On August 12, 2008, I was sleeping  just as soundly until that call.  Robbie and our friend Stuart had been hit while riding their bikes.  Thankfully, Stuart was not seriously injured and was well enough to call 911 and me – Rob wasn’t.

At first in the ER it didn’t look so bad – broken rib, maybe, bruised and sore for a few weeks.  Maybe a few days off work.  Gradually, though, the news worsened.  Broken hip.  Possible broken pelvis.  Broken vertebrae.  Major blood loss.  Might not live.

I cannot describe the feeling of being told that they are desperately trying to find a helicopter to get your spouse to a place that can hopefully save his life.  Hopefully.

After the loss of our infant daughter 11 years ago, I was sure I had “paid my dues” and that God wouldn’t let me go through such deep pain again.  But here I was, begging Him not to ask this of me.  Not to make me live the rest of my life without my best friend, lover, father of my children, the sweet boy I met when I was 15 and he was 17.  I hardly have a memory that doesn’t include him.

Yet, in the middle of the chaos and confusion of that morning, I knew deep in my heart that God had not abandoned me.  I had no idea what the future would hold at that moment and – I won’t lie – I was afraid.  But, I knew that I was loved.  That He still knew our names and He was hearing my cries, though they were coming from deep inside me.

Those who have kept up with our story know the journey of those days, and they are still archived here.  God was merciful and gracious to allow Robbie to live.  He has no paralysis or neurological injuries.  The recovery was long and slow – not walking for 3 months was hard.  But to see him now you would never know that one year ago I was told that he might not even live.

Over the last year we have had our ups and downs during recovery.  Rob’s recovery has been physical.  Mine has been emotional.  It’s still hard for me that he’s back on his bike, but I love him too much to ask him to give up what he loves so much.  We are still working on some of the ways it continues to impact us.  Maybe we always will.  Things like this brand you forever.  The sting and pain may lessen over time, but the mark is always there.

As we put this year behind us, I am not the same.  Once again, I realize how fragile this life is and how quickly it can change.  I am reminded that striving for what this world promises is futile.  The things that really matter are those that last – faith, family, finding  joy in simple things.  Laughter, sunsets, cooking, reading, coffee.

Most of all, I have once again seen God’s goodness.  Not just because my husband survived or our medical bills are paid, even though those things are wonderful graces.   I have been on the other side before.  Our daughter did not survive.  God is still good because He cannot be anything other than good.  His love for me is deep; He tells me throughout His word.  Even though I may not always feel it, I choose to believe the truth and that is what sustains me.

SDG- Soli Deo Gloria.

I am elated and even a little astonished that Betsy loves Jane Austen at her young age. I didn’t discover her until I was much older. She loves to watch the movies with me and can tell you all about the characters and stories. Daddy is out of town right now and Betsy has been sleeping with me. Last night we watched “Sense and Sensibility” and today are watching her favorite, “Emma.” We made cinnamon rolls and tea in Austen’s honor this morning, and spread out a family quilt to have our own little picnic in my room, pretending it to be the beautiful English countryside . Today is a rainy one here, so it is the perfect day for our fun. I love making these memories with my sweet girl!

Yesterday Robbie & I marked 18 years of marriage.  I am so thankful for him, our life together, and the children God has given us.  He is my best friend and I’m so grateful to God for him.  This last year has been a tough one, to be sure, but God is faithful and gracious.  We are more in love than ever.

Just for fun:  Which Austen character are you?